Screaming

It's been rough lately. Finding a place to live, dealing with the lack of money, dealing with my job cutting all of my hours, losing my vehicle, etc. It's been hard on me. I'm strong, but I'm weak.
I feel like I'm screaming. Screaming for help, for solace, for comfort, for love, for something. Anything.
I haven't heard any thing back. I've wanted to give up. Scratch that.
I want to give up.
I want to tell the world that it wins.
I want to tell all of the people who seem to have made a mission out of bringing me down that they've succeeded.
I want to tell everyone that I can't do this anymore.
I want to tell myself that I'm done.
I've screamed until my voice has given out. Like an actor who's given everything he has and sacrificed everything so he can get by.
I've thrown myself off of a cliff chasing what felt like life. I've lost friendships. I've made a jackass out of myself. I've failed to stay true to who I am and who those close to me know me to be.
I'm just musing at this point. I don't want a pity party. I just want to get this out.
It hurts holding things in. It does. I know why I did for so long. The one person I trust fully and without question, I can't talk to anymore.
One of the only male role models I have seems to be unavailable all the time. It also seems that when I talk to him he's just tolerating it. Even my roommate seems to be barely tolerating me. It hurts.
I made a new friend, but I can't seem to tell her everything I'm feeling because some of it is identical to what she's feeling.
I can't even talk to a girl I had become really interested in.

"I'm falling apart again." Shinedown, "Shed some light"

I'm pushing people away. My best friend. My brother. Even me.
And the worst thing's that I don't know how to fix this one.
I don't know how to believe in them.
I don't know how to believe in my faith.
I don't know how to believe in me.
I'm just screaming to what feels like an empty room.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Goodnight.
Tyler.