Ever listen to a song that just fits your mood? It's been a long week. I haven't seen my two sisters in like three weeks. I lost my job. I lost a relationship that meant the world to me. A close friend had her mother die. The song "Into the ocean" by Blue October says "I want to swim away but don't know how."
Have you ever felt like that? I want to leave this situation. I want to run away and give up and start all over. I want to never look back. These feelings have a tendency to run and jump into the front of my mind. The godfather of my future children said my fight or flight instinct is messed up sometimes.
I think we all get like that. I know, sweeping generalizations, my old psych professor would kill me for it. But I think the vast majority of us do this same thing. We'd rather cut our losses than stand up and fight.
I think it should be the opposite way. Why give up? Why do we decide we'd rather jump into the ocean and take our chances swimming, when we could take a chance on saving something before we run away? Why do we try to forget the past by running away? The past makes us who we are. I know some people have a hard past, believe me, I know, but that hard past is what makes you you. It makes me the biggest teddy bear in the world according to one good friend of mine. It's why I can laugh and smile when I look outside and realize that I'm alive and that everything around me is beautiful, no matter how tragic.
My sisters are having a blast, eating the best food ever in Indiana. No job means I have time to devote to friends and family that I've been neglecting. That relationship being lost caused me to start talking to people that I never thought I would talk to, and I'm the better person for it. My friend who's mother died now has a chance to find closure and to resolve old pain and issues. And while I may want to swim away, it's a good thing I don't know how, or I would miss all of these beautiful things.
Thanks for reading guys,
Tyler
