So I've been saying the words "what if?" a lot lately.
What If I didn't get this job?
What if I just stopped believing?
What if I just drove away?
What if I just gave up?
What if I said what I felt?
What if I stopped being strong?
What if I just stopped caring?
What if I just decided to do something different with my life?
What if I don't want to be a teacher?
Those are some of thousands that have been running through my head. Not a hyperbole, by the way. There are thousands of these questions.
I've been questioning a lot lately. My faith. My role in some groups I'm involved in at my college. My job as a brother. My job as a son. My role in my own life.
It's been a heavy week. A very heavy week. I can't shake these thoughts. Things hurt when they shouldn't. I'm so stressed that my neck is messed up. I have a pinched nerve. I'm not just physically hurt. I'm mentally not here. I sat out by a lake to think today and can't recall a single thought. I was there for two hours. I';m emotionally gone too. I don't know whether I care or not. About anything.
I'm too busy questioning to make a decision, I guess.
If you have any input, go ahead and comment. Sorry for the depressing tone. It's just how I'm feeling.
Thank you for reading.
Tyler.
This is something I was worried would happen when you said at the start of the year that you were going to get involved in everything. You're burnt out dude. You're doing more than you can handle and it's shutting you down.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you need to pick a few things that are most important to you and to your growth as a person and as a follower of Christ, and allow those things to bring you life (and ditch everything else). Not always easy, but necessary.
The last year I was at my former church, I was so burnt out that for almost a year later (up until like a few weeks ago), I was done with church and almost done with ministry completely. Thought about being done with God. But it wasn't until I left that church, dropped my duties there, narrowed my duties in Ignite and took time each week for ME, that I eventually snapped out of it.
Praying for you bro, and you know if you ever need to talk, I'm here!
There doesn't ever seem to be me time. At all. It just doesn't fit. Between work, school, mechanical problems, helping people, etc, I just have no time for me.
ReplyDelete