I missed it.

So the other night, I was reading someone else's blog. It made me realize that I had lost my best friend. This is a girl who was someone I could always talk to. I could say anything to her. She's one of the few people I feel totally comfortable with.
I realized that I missed how we would text all of the time. And I missed all of our little inside jokes that confused everyone else. I missed spending time with her. I missed taking random picnics (forgetting cups, silverware and napkins sometimes). I missed it. All of it.
Sunday morning, I learned about myself a bit. I learned that spending time with me is the best way to show love to me. Her and I drifted because we never had time. And when we were together, we didn't spend time with others. This put a wedge between us, and we started fighting. I started treating her badly. She returned the favor.
It hurt to look back on how we used to be.
A lot.
So much that I decided to ostracize myself from her. I deleted her number, blocked her on facebook, etc. I even ignored her when she'd walk past me. Yeah. Tyler, the super nice guy did that. The student leader of a Christian organization. Think of me as you will. You won't think of me any worse for it than I already do.
I'm ashamed. So Sunday night, I had an opportunity to see her and talk to her. I did.
I told her I missed her. I explained what my life has been like recently. Asked about hers.  She told me about some of her struggles. Apologized to me.
At her apology, my heart broke. I was the one who messed up. I'm the one who did everything I could to avoid her. I was the one who gave up. I fail to see the reason in things sometimes. She told me she missed what we used to be like, too. She missed telling me everything. She missed my smiles. She missed my jokes. She missed spending time with me.
Only after I had stepped back and surrendered to the situation did anything happen to alleviate it. Sometimes, you just have to let go of things, and not try and control everything.
We're talking again. We understand more of what went wrong. Hopefully this keeps getting better.
Thanks.
Tyler