Cracks

Ever feel like you're falling down? Farther and farther, so far that there seems to be no more light from above?
Some people don't. Or they don't show it. One of the two. I figured out that I'm a really good actor. Most people can't tell what mood I'm actually in. Sometimes it bothers me. Lately, I can't seem to fake it. I can't seem to keep that big smile on my face. I guess the cracks are showing through.
It's hit me pretty hard lately that I can't even show my closest friends what I'm feeling. People I love and really do trust, I just haven't been able to let them in.
I feel driven to be a pillar of strength for the people around me. I feel like others' needs should be ahead of mine. Always. I feel everyone else is more important than I am. I feel that everyone else around me needs to be happy before I can be happy.
I guess I am a little depressed. These past few weeks, I've been under so much strain. Between mechanical issues, housing issues, relationship issues, and many other things, I've been cracking. I haven't been able to be strong for those around me. To the friends that I normally am always there for and haven't been recently, I'm sorry. I truly am. To my loved ones that I've been letting down, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to everyone around me. I haven't been here and present. I've been dwelling too much on what's going wrong. I've ignored my problems and let them build up until I can't deal with them. I put myself under so much strain that I've trapped myself in a hole.
I've let myself start falling.
I'm posting this for a few reasons. One, As an apology for how I've been recently. Two, as a warning to anyone in a situation similar to mine. I don't want to see anyone else fall like I have been. Nobody should ever have to feel trapped in a corner in their life. Three, because it needed to get out. Call me selfish, but things like this need to get out. We can't hold things like this in. When we do, we set ourselves up to break down.
Thanks.
Tyler.